Hi there. My name is Kim Kraayvanger. I’ve been asked to share with you a bit of my recent journey, my life journey that is, how my walk with Christ is going and what I’ve been learning.
I am so honoured to say that I have been chosen by God to be one of His children, and although, most of the time I am likely disappointing Him, He still loves me, and He patiently waits for me to try again and shows me His love through blessings and encouragement of my brothers and sisters in Christ.
I think that would be my most recent revelation – realizing the love of God that has permeated through the encouragement of my church family.
Just a little over a year ago, I had a beautiful little baby girl, named Rachel. She has been the most precious blessing!
I had no idea what joy came from being a mommy – especially to a very special girl who God has gifted with the most delightful spirit and good nature. I also didn’t have a clue how overwhelming the responsibility of being a new parent can be.
Here is this gorgeous little baby in my arms, and she is relying on me to feed her and care for her… but she can’t speak and I don’t understand what cry means what?!? The first few months were truly a challenge.
I confess that I am a bit of a control freak. I like everything to go just so and that is best if it’s my way. I’ve been told that it comes from the many years as an independent career woman, after a successful education… but truthfully I think I’ve been spoiled from the get-go.
So, when I’m at work, I know what needs to be done and I believe that I was pretty good at getting it done well. … not so as a new mom. I had no idea what I was doing. I tried nursing Rachel, but didn’t have enough to satisfy her. She was 5 weeks old and hadn’t gained any weight in almost a week. I felt like a complete failure as a woman and as a mom. There are other options and we did some supplementing for the next four weeks, then went to formula from a bottle. I recall many times feeding Rachel and I cried more than she did. But God was there with me. He never left me or forsake me. There are a number of women and families from this church that called me, visited me, prayed for me and prayed with me. I even ended up at one of the women’s bible studies – by divine appointment. I accidently arrived one week at the church in the wrong spot at the wrong time and I was invited to stay on and complete the study with them. God knew that was exactly what I needed. To be reminded of His grace, His awesome mercy and His unspeakable love not only from His word, but from the fellowship of my sisters – that was an enriching time in my journey. I grew closer to God and He lifted me up to a place of peace.
Time went on, my ladies study came to an end. Spring turned to summer and I was starting to gain a confidence as a mom and a work out a system of communication with my little girl. My life seemed to get extremely busy, jammed with all sorts of things, but not very much one on one time with God. .. then I broke my foot.
God has a way of getting our attention, when we let life carry us away. I had let my devotions fall through the cracks and definitely was not taking the time to reflect and listen to what He may be saying…. So there I was stranded on my couch with my foot up for 10 weeks. I couldn’t take care of myself, let alone my 5 month old baby girl. I was at the mercy of friends and family to run my home. Again, God was there to work out every little detail…. Rachel wasn’t actually old enough to move around a lot yet and so she didn’t care if I was on the couch or running around.
I did though. I got pretty frustrated. I hate not being able to take care of my family. But, God had a plan. He worked out the most amazing schedule – so that there was always someone able to come take care of us. Even when we had doctor’s appointments, it was someone with a car…it was soooo awesome! Rachel had a blast with all these nannies. She never made strange and is quite the social bunny as a result. And most importantly I was suddenly given a BIG chunk of time to do devotions, pray and reflect.